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Beers With A Ferretmonkey
Summary: When a crew member of the Jackal visited the Blue Angel Bistro wanting a beer and mild entertainment, he got more than he bargained for. With the ferretmonkey, Gaunauni, already taking up residence in the bistro.
Cast: Charley, Malion, Gaunauni.
Air Date: 2006.03.30

Blue Angel Bistro <Freedom City, New Luna>

Breezy and casual, this good-sized eatery is spread out on two platforms that merge together in the middle, forming a sort of '8' shape. A wide strip of deep blue, industrial-grade carpet covers the floor where the two platforms meet, and a large, pictorial menu hangs high over a tan counter for ordering. Behind the counter is a powered lift that is constantly occupied with waitstaff coming and going. Around the outsides of the 8, a wide corridor runs around the tree trunks, with tables on either side of the aisleway. It sports a strip of huge plasteel windows around its entire face, giving the diner a magnificent view of the outside foliage and wildlife from more than 30 feet in the air. A bridge from the center section leads out of the building and towards the Commercial Platform.


Gaunauni About two feet long from nose to rump and with camouflaging fur, this lithe mammal might be easy to miss. His mottled moss green and bark brown fur is spotted similar to that of a jaguar, with a dusty gray-brown tummy area. He has pink-palmed hand-like paws on all four limbs, with each thick 'finger' ending in a cat-like black claw. Fairly long arms and legs connect these paws to his sleek, cylindric torso. An almost 24 inch long tail comes out of his rump area, curling and bending and often acting like a fifth paw. His neck is remarkably flexible, and leads up to his furry head. The head itself is distinctly rodentlike in design, with a short, triangular, gray-brown snout leading up to a pinkish-brown nose and whiskers. Sharp, tiny teeth fill his mouth, and a black-spotted pink tongue can sometimes be seen lolling into a yawn. Tufts of green and brown fur cover his cheeks, and semicircular, naked pink ears peek out of his head just above them. Long, translucent whiskers poke out of his snout, as well. But of all of this, the most impressive thing about this creature are his eyes. Big, brown, and gleaming with intelligence, they seem to move him from the category of squirrels and the like into something completely different. Something more...aware.


Charley stands behind the counter, having just cleared off a few tables and greeted Gaunauni, who still stands just inside the door. She crouches down and sits the bucket of dirty dishes down on the floor, quickly righting herself, and adjusting her skirt.

Turning his head from side to side to stare at Charley, the ferretmonkey begins to pad on all fours towards the human. He looks up, chittering something indecipherable. The image of a bowl of what appear to be walnuts appears quite clearly in Charley's head, and the small creature grins ferally.

Charley curiously looks at the creature and gives a nod. "Lemme run to the kitchen, I'm sure they can get that for ya. Go ahead and have a seat." She hurries towards the lift, hoping like hell they have what the customer wants. Charley 's retina is scanned, and she enters the lift as it rises. Charley has left.

Malion walks into the bistro, taking a moment to adjust his suit jacket. The Martian wanders up towards the counter, and raises a brow in curiousity at the ferretmonkey.


Gaunauni turns as the waitress disappears, and peers curiously at Malion. In the blink of an eye, an image of a bowl of walnuts appears in Malion's head, and the creature hops up and down expectantly, clapping its forepaws together.

Charley returns a few moments later with a large bowl overflowing with walnuts. Rushing over to the obviously starved patron, she settles the bowl upon a nearby table with a grin. "There ya go, hun. Enjoy."

Malion scatches the back of his head, blinking several times. From the strange look on his face, he's most likely wondering why he wants walnuts instead of his usual beer. "Bowl of walnuts... Thanks?" he says to Charley.

Charley gives Malion the oddest stare as she walks over and pokes him in the side. "No Malion." She motions towards Gaunauni with a grin. "That's what he wanted. What ya have? A drink as usual?"

Gaunauni follows Charley to the table where she sets the walnuts, the creature hops up onto the table, picking up a walnut and sniffing it thoroughly before placing one delicately into its mouth, where it begins to crunch the nut. It hoots loudly, causing a few patrons to turn and look at it.

"Yeah, just the usual bottle of beer and a bowl of walnuts," Malion replies, with a nod. The hooting from the ferretmonkey draws his attention. "Ya sure ya should be feedin' those critters in here? Ya know that ya most likely gonna end up with a horde, right?"

Charley goes over and pulls Malion his beer all the while the odd expression remaining on her face. Sitting the large mug down on the bar, she gives a shrug. "Beats me, but the boss said not to turn away customers." Giggling, she cringes and puts a hand to her head. "Ugh...why did I drink so much? I'm miserable."

Having tested the merchandise, the ferretmonkey begins shovelling walnuts hand over hand into his mouth, his cheeks puffing out as he does so. Tiny pieces of walnut are scattered about the table and some fall to the floor. His tail curves into an almost question mark-like shape.

Malion leans against the counter, and watches as the Yoescu continues to feed. "Ya might end up with a tourist attraction," the Martian replies to the Earther. He reaches out for his beer, and takes a sip. "Though from what I've heard about the little buggers, is that ya've gotta lock anything shiny up... Just like when Tiana's around."

Charley watches her unusual diner with his treasured treats and grins as she walks around the counter. Standing beside Malion, she leans against the bar before turning to stare at him. "Malion, that's a hell of a thing to say about your sister." Gazing back over at the ferretmonkey, a look of awe on her face. "Sorta cute lil critters, ain't they?"

Gaunauni gradually moves the bowl down the table as he stuffs the walnuts into his mouth, and before you know it, the half-full bowl falls onto the floor, spilling its contents all over with a crash. The ferretmonkey grabs at the bowl to prevent the drop, but in turn, loses his balance, and he, too, falls off the table onto the floor with a shrieking noise. It quickly rights itself, snorting and striking a catlike indignant pose. After a few proud strides, it resumes eating the spilled walnuts.

Malion's expression remains completely neutral. "It's a ferretmonkey," he replies, with a shrug. "Just another furry bugger running around." He drinks from his beer glass again. "'Sides, they pinch stuff and she pinches stuff. No real difference between them, 'cept that the ferretmonkey looks like it has less facial hair." The gunsmith chuckles at the antics of the semi sentient creature, and then returns to his usual flat faced self.

Charley rolls her eyes at Malion, giving his shoulder a slight shove. "Ya shouldn't talk 'bout her that way, ya know. It's not nice." She pushes off the bar and approaches Gaunauni slowly, hoping he doesn't bite. Kneeling down, she leans under the table and picks the bowl up, then quickly begins putting the walnuts he hasn't managed to stuff away back into it for him.

Gaunauni backs up a few steps as Charley approaches, slightly cagey. As it sees Charley pick up the walnuts, it jumps up and down on all fours, and a series of images begin to appear in Charley's head, involving a picture of a honeybear full of honey, a skewer of shish kabobs, an enormous silver fish, a pile of dead grasshoppers, a plateful of steaming clams, and a large bowl of a clear liquid.

Malion remains leaning against the counter, slowly sipping from his beer. "Who told ya I was a nice person?" he says, putting on a mock serious voice. "Who ever did, was lying to ya." Gaunauni's antics gets his attention, and he can't help put chuckle again.

Charley clamps her hands to her head, the fleeting images playing havoc with her already throbbing head. Shaking her head, she taps the bowl of walnuts as she gets up and quickly straightens her short skirt. Putting her hands on her hips, she smiles down at Guanauni. "Dun push your luck, but the water I will get ya." Striding back behind the counter, she grabs another bowl and fills it with a few cubes of ice and cool water. Going back, she puts the bowl on the floor beneath the table with the now uprighted bowl of very few walnuts, and tosses a towel on top of the table's surface to keep anyone from sitting at that specific table. Moving back over to Malion, she clicks her tongue at him. "Ya might be right, I s'pose. Problem is, I like lookin' for the good in people...'less they show me one too many times there's no good to 'em."

Gaunauni turns and laps at the water noisily, alternating it with stuffing large handfuls of nuts into its cheeks and gullet. A tentative, flickering image of a pile of dead grasshoppers appears in Malion's mind, and is gone as quickly as it came.

"It happens," Malion says, with a shrug. "Good in all of us..." The Martian drifts off in conversation, and looks back to the ferretmonkey. "Ya better not be trying to plant things in me mind, ya little bastard," he says to the critter in a stern voice.

Charley sighs and leans over to stare in Malion's eyes. "Yes. It's one of the only thoughts that keeps me goin'." A smile plays on her lips briefly before she playfully chides him. "Dun threaten 'em, not like he can talk to ya."

Gaunauni tilts his head and looks up at Malion, his large brown eyes twinkling, and he makes an almost whimpering noise. An image of a huge silver fish appears in Malion's head, combined with the image of an exaggeratedly undernourished ferretmonkey, little more than skin hanging on bones.

"Just because they live in the bloody trees," Malion says to Charley. "Don't mean that they don't know what we're talking about." he blinks several times and then looks back to the creature. "Bloody hell mate, first ya want walnuts, then ya want grass hoppers, and now fish... What next? The bloody Jackal?"

Charley grins and pipes up. "Is the Jackal shiny? If so, best be careful or they'll be carryin' it away." Arching a brow, she nods seriously. "Need another drink, Malion."

The ferretmonkey makes a sound that sounds like a deflating whoopie cushion, turning its back on Malion, its tail waving violently back and forth behind it. It laps noisily at the water, looking back at the Martian, then adjusting itself so that its bottom perfectly faces the man. It then resumes drinking.

Once again the ferretmonkey manages to get another laugh from Malion. He looks down to his beer, and then shakes his head. "Nah Charley, she's right," he replies, with a smile. "Wonder if ya'd be able to train them up to do minor jobs around the place? They're pretty smart little fellas."

"Ya never know, ya might.", she says as she tilts her head to watch the critter giving Malion hell. "Guess I never really paid much attention to 'em before now." Sighing, she glances over her shoulder to see what time it is. "Yay! I swear this has been the longest day of my life."

Finishing the water, the ferretmonkey moves back to the almost-empty bowl of walnuts, stuffing them into his mouth. His front paw grabs the edge of the bowl, and the ferretmonkey begins to do a three-legged lope (one legged pull) towards the door, its arched back and violently swinging tail suggesting it's perturbed. An image of a plate of steaming clams appears in Malion's head, as well as an image of Malion himself sitting at his barstool. In a fit of not-quite-fit-for-reality effects, the plate of clams falls on top of Malion and somehow makes him disappear. Did they eat him or squish him? Or perhaps they were magic clams? The logistics of this disappearance seem quite unclear, but the intent is there.

Malion goes strangely pale as he watches the monkey. "Wow... I never thought I'd be able to piss off a ferretmonkey," he says, with a grin. "So that's the Ungstiri and now the Yoescu." He slowly shakes his head, trying to get the image out of his mind. "Bloody crazy little bastard."

Charley laughs and pats Malion on the back. "Why should they be safe from your maddeningly frustratable self. Look how many times ya've managed to piss me off and I still..." She clamps her mouth shut and hurries about last minute chores before the next shift's waitress shows up, only paying a small amount of attention to the ferretmonkey for now as she blushes.

Gaunauni continues to drag the bowl towards the door, and as he reaches the door, he pushes at it with all his might until it opens. Chittering noisily back at Malion and Charley, it walks outside.

Malion finishes off his beer, and places it on the counter, or rather attempts it as he's still too fasinated by the Yoescu. He puts a handfull of Raydens on the counter and rises from the bar stool. "Looks like ya lost a bowl," he says, with a grin. "Catch ya 'round." With that said, he makes his way from the bistro, giving the ferretmonkey a very wide berth, just in case he gets to foresee his downfall to a plate of steamed clams again.

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